Contributor Two Contributor Two
Dog & Cat Tales
Contributor Two Contributor Two
The cuddling, the cooing, the whimpering, the crying, the 2 a.m.– feedings, the mess, the constant attention... New baby? Nope. New puppy.

Her name is Winnie. She is half Shih Tzu and half Bichon. She’s tiny and will only grow to be about the size of my huge head.

She is quite adorable, but she is not the first pet to reside in the Williams house. No, no. We had a cat once. He was under the impression that we all worked for him.

Our girls have also had several small fish through the years. Some lasted longer than others. Some were treated like royalty. Some received a full burial in the backyard complete with memorial service. Some just received a royal flush.

My dad brought home several dogs throughout my childhood, all of whom he named Pal. One was so big, we tied him to his doghouse in the back yard, and one day, he simply went for a long walk, dragging the house behind him. We hauled him and his house back home in a pickup. There’s no place like home.

(I’m thinking of buying a dachshund for Guy Penrod’s eight children. I want them to have a dog they can all pet at one time...)

Pets are wonderful. Winnie rules the house now. When she’s older, I’m sure there will be plenty of stories to share. Until then, I’m enjoying these from our readers, and I hope you will too.


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Why do women love cats so much? Cats are independent. They don’t listen. They don’t come when you call. They like to stay out all night, and when they are at home, they like to be left alone to sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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A woman brought her parrot to the vet. The bird was lifeless.

The vet whistled, and a beautiful black Labrador Retriever came running in the examining room. The Lab sniffed around the parrot for a few moments, then looked at the vet and shook his head.

The vet said, “The bird is dead.”

The woman said, “This is ridiculous. You expect me to believe that?”

So the vet left momentarily and came back with a cat. The cat looked closely at the parrot, walked around it, then shook his head and jumped off the table.

The vet said, “That’ll be 500 bucks.”

The lady, obviously angered, shouted, “How is it 500 dollars for you to tell me that my parrot is dead?”

The doctor said, “Well, it would have been cheaper without the lab report and the cat scan.”

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One day, a man went to an auction. While there, he found an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but continued to be outbid, so his bid went higher and higher.

Finally, he won the bid. As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, This parrot better be able to talk!”

“Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer. “Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would believe him.

He decided to impress his most skeptical friend by inviting him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell.

The dog responded. It did not sink, but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend’s eyes became huge, but he did not say a single word. This continued all day long without a word being uttered between the two.

On the drive home the hunter finally broke the silence, asking, “Well, what do you think of my new dog?”

His friend was quiet for a moment, and then said, “It’s a shame he can’t swim.”

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Now, keep in mind this story has absolutely NO scriptural basis; I just think it’s funny.

A cat died and went to heaven. God said, “You’ve been a good cat all your life … a devoted pet. Is there anything you would like?”

The cat replied, “I lived on a farm and always had to sleep on a hard floor, so a soft pillow would be great.”

The following day, six mice died and went to heaven. God said, “You have been good mice all your lives. Is there anything you would like?”

“Yes,” they said. “We always had to run everywhere, being chased by cats or people. We’d each love to have roller skates, so that we can get around without having to use our little legs as much.”

A week later, God thought He’d check up on the cat, who was fast asleep on his new pillow. “Is everything OK?”

The cat stretched out. “Perfect,” he said. “I’ve never been happier. The pillow is so comfortable, and those meals on wheels are simply the best!”

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Now THAT'S funny!