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Without a doubt, I would not be here today if it were not for God’s grace and forgiveness. I have spent much of my life asking others to forgive me, as well. There are, however, a few things for which I have failed to ask forgiveness. I would like to take this opportunity to do so...
Please forgive me.
To the editor of this magazine — for this column being late.
To my mom — for setting the sofa on fire when I was 5.
To my dad — for using up all your matches. Some sofas take a while to light.
To Mrs. Elkins — for the 85 Granny Smith apples I dropped down your chimney when I was 7. It would have been more, but I was spotted by my own granny.
To my darling wife Kathy — for hiding in the closet and jumping out when you opened the door. I still have a bruise.
To the Gaither Vocal Band — for having a pizza delivered onstage during an acapella song.
To Buddy Greene — for interrupting your classical medley performance by dropping feathers and a rubber chicken on your head.
To Vestal Goodman — for stealing one of your white hankies and writing on it with a Sharpie, “Blow Here!”
To Jake Hess — for hiding your hair in the refrigerator of the bus.
To Russ Taff — for throwing a Gaither keychain flashlight at you while onstage during a Homecoming Concert in 2004.
To the lady in the second row — for hitting you in the head with a flashlight intended for Russ Taff. Hope you enjoyed the concert. Sorry about the scar.
To my pastor — for standing up with a clipboard and looking like I was taking names when you said, “Every head bowed, every eye closed, no one looking around.”
To Sister Norma Jean, when you held up your hand with an unspoken request — for holding up mine and saying, “I bet I know what it is!”
Now that’s funny!
