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How Not To Fly An Airplane
Contributor Two Contributor Two
I have taken these personality tests over and over through my life. I always get a different answer. Sometimes, the analysis shows that I’m more suited to be a philosopher — other times, something more mundane like a speed bump.

People frequently ask me, “Where did you get your wacky personality?” I tell them I bought it on sale, and it seemed to fit.

I am an only child (which explains a lot) and I’ve always been able to see the humor in life. When I point out the funny stuff , people laugh, almost as if they never thought about it before.

Most of this craziness comes from my dad. He was wacky! He was a thinker, not so much a doer. He really liked for others to do the doing. He just wanted to think about it. His brain was extremely weird and funny. He could make me laugh uncontrollably.

He was funny all the way to the end. He was being taken to the hospital in an ambulance a few months before he passed away.  The ride was a very bumpy, uncomfortable one. The paramedic said, “Mr. Williams, do you know what we’re doing?

Without hesitation, my dad said, “It feels like you’re doing about 95!”

My mom, on the other hand, was extremely even and consistent. She always showed up for work five minutes early, every day of her life. Always a pleasant smile and greeting. She was never impulsive or unpredictable. She was steady. Needless to say, when Steady met Wacky, it was going to produce some crazy stories, and a son who would chronicle them.

The blessing and the curse in my personality lies in the fact that, on the outside, I can look even, consistent and respectful, but on the inside, my brain is going nuts! I’m always thinking, “This is too funny! I’ve got to tell someone this. Wait ’til I work this into the program.”

Even in school, it was no different. One time in the 6th grade, while my teacher’s back was turned, I sailed a paper airplane through the air, across the classroom. The aerodynamics of the vessel I had built were so sophisticated that it seemed to float for an eternity. As Mr. Voils turned around, he asked, “Mr. Williams, what are you doing?”

I quickly replied, “It’s a surveillance mission, Sir.”

As the laughter died down (it was a strong laugh, by the way), Mr. Voils calmly said, “It’s raining. All flights are grounded. You can stay after class and write that on the board 200 times. This will help others and possibly save lives.” What a great comeback!

This weird personality is split between our two daughters and they are both quite funny in their own ways. I’m living proof that God can use WEIRD.


This hilarious story comes to us from Donna in Abilene, Texas...

The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, “Hey, Mom, what’s this?”

“Oh, that’s an old typewriter,” she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.

“Well, what does it do?” they queried.

“I’ll show you,” their mother said. She went downstairs and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.

“WOW!” the boys exclaimed, “That’s really cool — but how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?”

“There is no plug,” she answered. “It doesn’t need a plug.”

“Then where do you put the batteries?” they persisted.

“It doesn’t need batteries either,” she continued.

“Wow!  is is so cool!” the brothers exclaimed. “Someone should have invented this a long time ago!”


Ed in Winnipeg, Manitoba, writes...

My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

“Oh,” said my dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well,” he answered, “at least with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”


Now that's funny!