Lean in and pay close attention, dear reader! I have to talk fast to get it all in, and I have enough pictures to fill the magazine for a year. If I’m not mistaken, a picture is worth a thousand words, and I get paid by the word. This could add up!

I can’t remember ever having so much fun as at the Women of Homecoming taping. As you can imagine though, the REAL fun happened when the cameras stopped rolling.

(Having only three toilet stalls presented a whole set of problems. We won’t go into that!)

Where do I begin? Let me show you THREE pictures. Three thousand dollars worth of pictures right there! Important Note: I’ve found that with this group, if you keep your mouth shut and listen … (almost impossible, but nevertheless!) … you’ll get tips for just about everything.

Makeup, hair, which jewelry looks best with what, children, politics, romance … yes, ROMANCE! And just plain ol’ practical stuff, like when Melissa Brady told me she learned from Debra Talley that she should always tuck her lipstick in a handy spot where she can get to it easily. And Judy Hess taught Lily Isaacs that you should never hook your ear monitor pack on your underwear, because it’s been known to slide down your legs and take a piece of clothing with it. (I need to find out more on that one! Stay tuned!) From Vestal, Judy said she learned how to tie a perfect bow that will last for days — handy for a mom who has two girls.

Lunch and dinner at the taping was a study in the fine art of “table hopping.”

Table hopping IS an art you know. I figured out long ago … and I almost hate to give it away … if you do it right, you don’t have to know much. You just gather up various and sundry information from all the conversations and keep moving on, repeating what you hear as though it originated with you. You can be the most popular person in the room, and will be perceived as the smartest, without even having to think!

More PHOTOS … from supper!

I wanted to talk to Connie Hopper, I love that woman, and I waited patiently for her to get off the phone, and yes, of course, I listened to every word she said … and … I was sure I was onto something really big when I heard this lovely Christian lady, favorite of us all, say, “Kill, kill, kill! Don’t leave a single one standing!”

It turned out she was talking to her exterminator.

I loved that daughters were included in the shoot. I’m BFF with Madi Rose Taff and Solveig’s daughter, Kari Henderson. (BFF is what they call me. Does anyone know what that means? Text me privately.) I would gladly adopt these awesome girls, and spoil them rotten, but the thought occurs, it’s time for college and that would be expensive.

Here are pictures from our most recent magazine meeting. As you can see, we closely follow Robert’s Rules of DISorder.

Straight from assistant editor Deb’s dad’s flower garden: glorious, and yes-they-are-real, dinner-plate-sized Hardy Hibiscus.

Let’s see … what else? Oh! I practically saved the life of Sue Dodge, and would have, had her life really been in peril.

Sue was in town recording, staying at Judy Nelon’s house, when I got a call that she was having terrible leg pain and could I take her to the ER. (Judy, being the generous soul she is, had loaned her car out.) I headed out immediately, drove her to St. Thomas Hospital and stayed with her for days on end, or maybe a couple of hours, until she was given the all clear.

That’s not the end of the story. We met Judy for Mexican food, and that turned into another medical emergency! Judy had a gall-bladder attack and had to have surgery the very next day. I was beginning to feel like a regular Florence Nightingale for a while there.

I went to a really mugga-mugga fancy party for Chonda Pierce the other day, to celebrate her important award as the Top Certified Female Comedian from the RIAA. Pretty impressive: eight gold and three platinum long-form DVDs.

In the midst of all the hoopla, she pulled me aside and said to be sure and say to Bill: “Eat your heart out, Bill Gaither!”

Speaking of Bill … and Gloria … I need to tell you about the pressure they put upon their grandchildren! Sad! Sad!

Liam (Benjy and Melody’s son) didn’t take much to fishing and … let me just say, that family fishes! (Me too. I can bait a hook with anything from worms to leeches, reel ’em in, clean ’em, cook ’em up and serve ’em up hot on the plate.) When Gloria showed me this picture of Liam, she said “If our kids they don’t fish, we throw ’em back.” Yes! You read that right. She meant the kids!

That’s all she wrote for now, friends. Thanks for your e-mails!