I was there! I was one of only a few men at the Women of Homecoming DVD taping. Sure, they could have gotten a woman to play the guitar. They could have gotten an “all-girl” band, and it would have been great. But they were gracious and allowed us men to accompany them musically. I’ve got to tell you, it was an incredible experience seeing and hearing the songs and stories of these beautiful soul sisters. The laughter, the tears, the hairspray!

But it also raised many questions in my mind. The questions most men ask about women. You see, I live with three women — my wife and our two daughters. I learned a long time ago that my role is to wait on them ... a lot. I hold purses, turn off lights behind them, and generally just wait.

You see, when a man says he is ready to go, it means he is ready to go. When a woman says she is ready to go, it means she will be ready to go after she finishes putting on her makeup, finds her other earring and changes shoes two more times.

As I wait, I question why women do what they do. I’ve decided to explore this topic here and now. Can I get an “Amen?” That’s OK. I’m used to waiting.

My wife says that women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell men how wonderful they are.

She says, “It’s not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women who can pretend to be foolish whenever necessary, which is the very core of intelligence.” It is true that, most often, men start a conversation, and women finish it. So we have established a rule at our house: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a NEW argument. Understanding and complying with this rule has brought me much happiness.

I should point out that married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Bringing this point up to my wife was a mistake.

Incidentally, any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman will tell you absolutely what’s on her mind. A couple of months ago, I met an elderly lady at one of our concerts. When she shook my hand, I asked, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” She said, “Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

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OK ladies ... here it is.
The top 10 things we men want to know:
1.  Why is it good to have five pairs of black shoes?

2.  How can you remember EVERY little thing like the birthday of your great aunt, or what you wore to church a year ago, or what was said on our 10th date?

3.  Why do you always ask us questions when you already know the answers?

4.  Why does a phone call between two women always last at least 10 minutes?

5.  What is the difference between cream, ivory and off-white?

6.  How do you always know what can or can’t go in the dryer?

7.  How can crying be “fun”?

8.  When you ask, “Does this look OK?”—do you really want honesty or support?

9.  Do you ever get tired of watching The Sound of Music?

10. Why do you always go to the bathroom in groups?

On second thought, don’t tell me ... I don’t even want to know.

My friends Claude and Connie Hopper have had a successful marriage for over 50 years. Claude recently shared that he had read the book, The Man of the House.

When he finished the book, he marched directly into the kitchen, walked up to Connie and said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of the house, and my word is law. I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, do you know who’s going to dress me and tie my tie?”

Without missing a beat, Connie replied, “The undertaker.”

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Now That’s Funny!