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Laughlines: Jeff Allen
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Comedian Jeff Allen takes time out of his busy touring schedule to share some rib-tickling moments with Andy, including some sage advice for husbands and wives.
Or not.

(on phone)
ANDY: Jeffrey! It’s great to hear your voice. Did I get you at a good time?

JEFF: Absolutely. What’s going on?

ANDY: I have just a few questions for you.

JEFF: Well…Tami’s here so I’ll have to be honest.

ANDY: Great! Maybe I can dig up something embarrassing!

JEFF: That sounds like you...

ANDY: Ha! It really does, doesn’t it? Here’s the first question: What is your idea of a perfect day?

JEFF: That’s easy. A fall day on the golf course. Temperature in the high 60s with no wind. Playing with my three closest friends.

ANDY: What historical figure do you most identify with?

JEFF: Historical or hysterical?

ANDY: (Laughing) Historical.

<="">JEFF: Hmm... the other would have been easier to answer. But I’ll say Ronald Reagan. The principled stands he took are still impressive. Especially when you consider that he had no real media support. Remember, there really was no counter to the media at that time.

ANDY: What would your wife say is your worst habit?

JEFF: Tami would say procrastination. And she’d be correct. I just figure the half-finished projects around the house are my way of marking my territory. Another man could walk into the house and see that a husband already lives here!

ANDY: (Laughing) If you could change one thing about your physical self, what would it be?

(Jeff pauses for a moment. Then bursts out laughing.)

ANDY: What?

JEFF: Tami heard your question and answered for me. She said that I need more calluses on my hands. Evidently she doesn’t think I work hard enough.

ANDY: (Laughing) OK, she’s funnier than you. We’re gonna go with that answer! Next question: What do you consider your life’s greatest achievement so far?

JEFF: Stopping drinking. Seriously, that would be it. Cleaning up my life and changing the core of who I am.

ANDY: Awesome. What do you think has been the greatest surprise to you in your life?

JEFF: The biggest surprise to me has been how great a marriage could actually be.

ANDY: Favorite food?

JEFF: I’m kind of a binge eater. Right now, steak on the grill is by far my favorite, but I am making winter plans to embrace Mexican food as a way of life.

ANDY: Who was your favorite actor when you were a senior in high school?

JEFF: Clint Eastwood. You know, my dream is to appear in a western as the guy who comes out on the porch with a shotgun and tells everyone to get off my land! Yeah, I’m a “property rights” kind of guy.

ANDY: Last question. If you could live anywhere in the world you wanted, where would it be?

JEFF: Right where I am right now. Fairview, Tennessee.

ANDY: Jeffrey, you are the best. Thanks for the time. I will be keeping in touch!

JEFF: Likewise. See you soon!