ANDY: Ken! Are you still in Colorado?
KEN: Yes, I am. And you are all home safe and sound?
ANDY: Yep. All good. We loved being there with you and Diane. Polly enjoyed the quiet, the boys enjoyed climbing the mountain, and I enjoyed the fact that I did not die on the mountain!
KEN: I thought you did well…
ANDY: You’re kind. I told Polly later that my mere survival proved that I’m obviously at least somewhat healthy. So Ken, when is the last time you surprised yourself by doing something you didn’t think you could do?
KEN: Recently, I did a two-mile run with an elevation of 1,800 feet. Now, most people, when they say that they “ran,” really mean that in some places they ran, in other places they flopped along like an elephant seal. I ran, brother! I ran the whole way!
ANDY: What’s one place you’ve never been that you’ve always wanted to visit?
KEN: I’ve always wanted to see the Austrian Alps.
ANDY: Ken, you have a place in Colorado; it’s kind of the same thing with the bonus of English as a first language.
KEN: OK then … an African safari. And I want everything, including a lion.
ANDY: Now you’re talking! If you had to do something other than write and speak for a career, what would you choose?
KEN: I would have a place where I could take dads and sons hunting and fishing and camping. I would stretch them mentally, physically and spiritually, pouring God’s best into their lives.
ANDY: Ken, what do you do that drives your wife, Diane, crazy?
KEN: (Long pause)
ANDY: Oh good grief! Don’t sit there and act like you can’t think of anything!
KEN: (to Diane, who is also in the room) Honey, Andy wants to know what I—
ANDY: (Shouting) Ken!
ANDY: Buddy, please don’t ask her that question. We’ve only got a small window of time, and if Diane starts listing the things you do that drive her crazy…
KEN: (Laughs) She would probably say my messiness. I am not organized. In fact, if you look around our house, it’s easy to spot the first place I got tired the night before. That is where my first article of clothing came off. You can just follow that trail to the bed.
ANDY: What would I be surprised to find in your refrigerator?
KEN: Cucumbers soaking in vinegar.
ANDY: That doesn’t surprise me.
KEN: OK then … Eyeball Salad.
ANDY: Ooooh. The boys will be jealous. They loved Miss Diane’s Eyeball Salad!
KEN: Do you want to give everyone the recipe? Diane won’t mind…
ANDY: Let’s do! This is one of the great kid foods of all time! One last question … Do you think Mark Lowry is as funny as we are?
KEN: Nooo. Nooo. He might be third, but he’s a distant third.
ANDY: I agree. I love Mark, but he’s third.
KEN: Distant third.
ANDY: Great talking to you..
KEN: Don’t forget the Eyeball Salad!
ANDY: It’s coming up next. Bye, Ken!
Miss Diane ’s Eyeball SaladIngredients
• 2 lbs. green seedless grapes
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup chopped pecans (if desired, can double amounts to layer)
Wash and stem grapes. Set aside to drain. Stir sour cream,
cream cheese, sugar and vanilla until mixed together well.
Fold grapes into mixture. For topping, combine brown sugar
and chopped pecans. Either pour grape mixture into large bowl
and top with brown sugar mixture OR layer grape mixture and
topping into large bowl. Chill overnight. Enjoy!