ANDY: How did you know it was me?
KEVIN: You said you’d call at five o’clock. It’s five o’clock.
ANDY: Oh. Well, I apologize for being on time. I meant to be more of a bother.
KEVIN: No problem. This is bother enough!
ANDY: Now you’re trying to flatter me. Can I ask a few questions?
ANDY: I’m tempted, but I’ll just ask a few questions. What is the trait you most despise in yourself?
ANDY: You answered that pretty quickly.
KEVIN: I’ve overcome the problem to a large degree.
ANDY: It did take me 10 days to arrange this phone call.
KEVIN: Well, there’s the small degree to which I have not overcome it. By the way, now you’re procrastinating. Ask me another question.
ANDY: What is your greatest extravagance?
KEVIN: Vintage guitars.
ANDY: That’s not a very funny answer. Let me try another question. What do you most value in your friends?
KEVIN: Their houses.
ANDY: Ha! That’s better.
KEVIN: Maybe I should say “honesty”…
ANDY: Is that an honest answer?
KEVIN: I guess I’d better stick with “houses.”
ANDY: What is your most treasured possession?
KEVIN: A Bible my dad gave me when I was 7.
ANDY: Very sweet. Is your wife around?
KEVIN: Why? You think maybe I should have said, “My wedding pictures?”
ANDY: No, I just know that when someone’s wife is around, I get more of the truth.
KEVIN: That was the truth. I’m not gonna lie about my daddy’s Bible! It had a zipper!
ANDY: What is your favorite book of all time? Just a regular book. Not one with a zipper.
ANDY: You’re procrastinating.
KEVIN: I told you! Let me see… I’ll say Bill Gaither’s book, It’s More Than the Music.
ANDY: Come on! You can’t say that! You’re just buttering up Bill.
KEVIN: No, Andy. I’ve read that book 20 times. It touches my heart.
ANDY: I am not putting down that answer. You can’t say anything by Bill.
KEVIN: There’s a beautiful book by Glo—
ANDY: Or Gloria.
KEVIN: Wes Hampton’s cookbook is one I treasure.
ANDY: No. You can’t promote the book of anyone you know. That’s not right…
KEVIN: I loved your new book The Final Summit.
ANDY: (pause) And you really don’t know me that well…
KEVIN: Evidently not.
ANDY: I think I’m going to allow that answer. Remember, “honesty” is something you value in a friend, and if we are going to become better friends…
ANDY: Superman or Batman?
KEVIN: Better fitting tights.
ANDY: What is something you’d change about yourself?
KEVIN: Hmm… Gosh, I don’t know.
ANDY: Ask your wife.
KEVIN: (away from phone) Honey? What is something I should change about myself?
Through the phone, I heard Kevin’s wife begin to answer the question. Unfortunately, she talked until my cell battery ran out and I was unable to reconnect. Maybe Kevin and I can finish the conversation at a later date…
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For more articles featuring Andy Andrews, click here.