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Laughlines: Kevin Williams
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(On phone)
KEVIN: Andy?

ANDY: How did you know it was me?

KEVIN: You said you’d call at five o’clock. It’s five o’clock.

ANDY: Oh. Well, I apologize for being on time. I meant to be more of a bother.

KEVIN: No problem. This is bother enough!

ANDY: Now you’re trying to flatter me. Can I ask a few questions?

KEVIN: Shoot.

ANDY: I’m tempted, but I’ll just ask a few questions. What is the trait you most despise in yourself?

KEVIN: Procrastination.

ANDY: You answered that pretty quickly.

KEVIN: I’ve overcome the problem to a large degree.

ANDY: It did take me 10 days to arrange this phone call.

KEVIN: Well, there’s the small degree to which I have not overcome it. By the way, now you’re procrastinating. Ask me another question.

ANDY: What is your greatest extravagance?

KEVIN: Vintage guitars.

ANDY: That’s not a very funny answer. Let me try another question. What do you most value in your friends?

KEVIN: Their houses.

ANDY: Ha! That’s better.

KEVIN: Maybe I should say “honesty”…

ANDY: Is that an honest answer?

KEVIN: I guess I’d better stick with “houses.”

ANDY: What is your most treasured possession?

KEVIN: A Bible my dad gave me when I was 7.

ANDY: Very sweet. Is your wife around?

KEVIN: Why? You think maybe I should have said, “My wedding pictures?”

ANDY: No, I just know that when someone’s wife is around, I get more of the truth.

KEVIN: That was the truth. I’m not gonna lie about my daddy’s Bible! It had a zipper!

ANDY: What is your favorite book of all time? Just a regular book. Not one with a zipper.

KEVIN: Hmmm…

ANDY: You’re procrastinating.

KEVIN: I told you! Let me see… I’ll say Bill Gaither’s book, It’s More Than the Music.

ANDY: Come on! You can’t say that! You’re just buttering up Bill.

KEVIN: No, Andy. I’ve read that book 20 times. It touches my heart.

ANDY: I am not putting down that answer. You can’t say anything by Bill.

KEVIN: There’s a beautiful book by Glo—

ANDY: Or Gloria.

KEVIN: Wes Hampton’s cookbook is one I treasure.

ANDY: No. You can’t promote the book of anyone you know. That’s not right…

KEVIN: I loved your new book The Final Summit.

ANDY: (pause) And you really don’t know me that well…

KEVIN: Evidently not.

ANDY: I think I’m going to allow that answer. Remember, “honesty” is something you value in a friend, and if we are going to become better friends…

KEVIN: Perfect.

ANDY: Superman or Batman?

KEVIN: Batman.

ANDY: Seriously?

KEVIN: Better fitting tights.

ANDY: What is something you’d change about yourself?

KEVIN: Hmm… Gosh, I don’t know.

ANDY: Ask your wife.

KEVIN: (away from phone) Honey? What is something I should change about myself?

Through the phone, I heard Kevin’s wife begin to answer the question. Unfortunately, she talked until my cell battery ran out and I was unable to reconnect. Maybe Kevin and I can finish the conversation at a later date…

For more articles featuring Kevin Williams, click here.

For more articles featuring Andy Andrews, click here.