Making The Most Of Suffering

It is the time in the Christian calendar when we remember the death of Christ and His suffering on the cross. I often experience a very mixed bag of emotions at Eastertime. I am filled with joy at the thought that His death has paid the penalty for my sins. But images remind me that His death was a terrible one and that He had to endure horrendous suffering. It was a slow, lingering, excruciatingly painful death. And it was all for me!

Thankfully, the cross and Christ’s suffering were not the end of the gospel story, only the beginning. Out of His suffering came a new understanding of how we should bear our sufferings. And so Easter calls me to re-examine how I experience suffering in my life. And it boils down to this question: How can I make the most of my suffering?

It may seem a strange question at first. When we are called to suffer some tragedy in our lives, our first instinctive thought is: “How can I get myself out of this pain?” It is natural. No one wants to hurt, whether it’s physical because you have advanced cancer, or emotional because your husband has left you and started a new life with someone else. But the cross calls us to a deeper understanding of suffering. We suffer because of physical illness. But we also suffer because of the imperfections of others, and let’s not forget that we also suffer because of our own humanness, prone to make stupid mistakes. In contrast, Jesus didn’t suffer from a flawed life, but because of ours.

So, how can we make the most of suffering? Here are four keys that can open the door to suffering that brings healing and draws us closer to God:

First, be sure you are suffering for the right reason. Unfortunately, a lot of our suffering is the consequence of our own mistakes. If you neglect to have regular physical checkups you could suffer from a serious illness. If you are an abusive parent you could lose the love of a child. The list is long. These mistakes reap suffering. For this you need to do your best to repair the mistake and be prepared to pay its consequences. Your suffering should make you a better person.

Second, you need to suffer with Jesus. This may seem strange, but remind yourself of Paul’s words: “If children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him” (Romans 8:17). Simply put, we are called to share the suffering we don’t deserve and cannot avoid with the suffering of Christ. Lay your suffering alongside His and share your experience with Him. Not only does this shared suffering bring comfort, but it can help us bear it with courage, knowing that we share it with Christ. When we cry tears, Christ cries with us. When the pain feels unbearable, He helps us bear it. When we feel abandoned and alone, He comes alongside to comfort like no other can comfort.

Third, be willing to suffer with someone else who is suffering. It’s part of the “bear ye one another’s burdens” principle. When we suffer with those who suffer, we are suffering with Christ. It should be an empathic sharing, not a sympathetic one. Simply put, sympathy says: “I know how you hurt because I am hurting with you.” This is never helpful. I don’t want others to be hurting just because I’m hurting. Empathy, however, says: “I can never know how much this hurts you, but I am here to travel the journey with you.” Just knowing that there is someone who cares can bring comfort like nothing else can.

Fourth, be doubly careful not to be the cause of suffering to others. As a Christian psychologist I frequently encounter those who suffer terribly by the hands of someone near and close to them. Seldom is it intentional. Perpetrators seem to be oblivious of the pain they are causing. Suffering at the hands of another who intentionally wants to hurt you violates the purpose of Christ’s suffering.

So, at this Easter, do some deep heart-searching and make peace with whomever you are hurting. And if you must suffer, take your suffering to the cross and receive the comfort of a Savior who knows more about suffering than any human being ever will.