Contributor Two Contributor Two
Military, Marriage, & Mules
Contributor Two Contributor Two
I remember asking my dad, who proudly served 10 years in military service, “What did you learn from that experience?”

He replied, “Three things. Always salute a superior officer. Never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. And most importantly … five-second fuses only last about three seconds!”

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When our daughter was young, she pointed to the fish bowl and said, “Daddy, our fishy shakes a lot.” I walked over to the bowl and said, “Honey, I don’t see him shaking at all.”

She said, “Wait ... I haven’t taken him out yet.”

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A man walked into a barbershop and asked, “How much for a haircut?”

“12 dollars,” said the barber.

“And for a shave?”

“10 dollars.”

“All right,” said the man, settling into the barber chair, “just shave my head.”

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I heard about a guy who walked in the kitchen where his wife was cooking breakfast and began yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Careful! Be careful! You’re cooking too many at once! Too many! Scramble them good! Do it now! We need more butter. They’re going to stick! Careful! Now scramble them again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! Use the salt! The salt!”

His wife turned and asked, “What in the world is wrong with you?”

He calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

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Wife: “Honey, did you notice? I bought a new toilet brush.”

Husband: “Yes, I did. But I still prefer the paper.”

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A man recently told me he had been married 60 years. I asked for his advice.

He said, “The secret is that we never go to sleep angry.”

I responded, “That’s it?”

He said, “Yes. The longest we’ve been awake so far is five days.”

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Jennifer from Vermont sends in this hilarious story...

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.

“Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.”

He looked confused, “What are you talking about?”

That irritated me. I asked, “Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you at all for three days?”

“Nope,” he said, “I just thought we were getting along.”

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A country preacher was traveling down some back roads when he saw a large group of people outside a house. The front yard was filled with people and so was the backyard. He stopped and asked why the large crowd had gathered.

A farmer replied, “Well, Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”

“Oh my!” replied the preacher. “She must have had a lot of friends.”

“Well, no,” said the farmer. “We all just want to buy his mule.”



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Now THAT'S funny!