Contributor Two Contributor Two
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Contributor Two Contributor Two
We recently asked our readers to tell us some of the funny things they've heard from the mouths of little ones. Here are some of the hilarious and heartwarming stories we received. Enjoy, and feel free to add your own story in the comments!

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When the children were little and in Christian school, I had to take and pick them up each day from school. One day, when my son was in kindergarten, the director of elementary education came flying up to my car. Breathlessly, she said "Mrs. Jones, I've got to tell you what Willie did today." "Uh oh" was all I could think as I waited for the bad news.

She explained that the teacher, Mrs. Montgomery, had taught an object lesson on obedience. She had all the children sit in a circle around her on the floor. To make sure all of the children understood, she posed a question and started with the child on her left. Willie was at the end, right next to Mrs. Montgomery, so he would be the last to respond. She said she made him last purposely because she KNEW he'd get it and respond appropriately.

The question was, "If Mom placed a cookie and piece of fudge on a plate and told you not to touch it, what would you do?" Each child on cue said, " I wouldn't touch it," "I wouldn't eat it," "I'd leave it alone" ... and lastly, Willie. His teacher was STUNNED to hear him respond with, "I'd eat the fudge." Willie was the sweetest, most "Godly" child she said that she had ever known and this response floored her. Of course she had to know why, so she asked. "Willie why would you eat the fudge after being told not to?" The response was the most truthful and hilarious that she had heard in all of her years teaching: "I like fudge! 'Sides, I sin all the time anyway."

As funny as it was, they were amazed at the honesty and spiritual rationale from this 4-year-old. I still smile when I remember this story even though it's been over 30 years ago!

~ Deborah Jones
Congratulations to Deborah, whose name was drawn as the winner of Homecoming Magazine's "Hilarious Moments of Motherhood" contest!


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When going through a tunnel one day, my kids asked me, "If the Lord comes in this moment, will we hit our heads on the tunnel going up?"

~ Wilma Blevins


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It was a beautiful Sunday morning and the worship leader had just opened the service with the first song of praise when his 3-year-old son, sitting with his mother near the front of the church, flew into a major temper tantrum. It was so disturbing that his father just stopped for a moment while the boy's mother hurriedly swept him into her arms and headed up the aisle. A hush fell over the congregation and, as they approached our pew, my daughter, also 3, looked up, and in a loud voice said, "You're going to get a spanking!" Everyone laughed, but they laughed even harder when the father announced, "Now that we've had a word of prophecy, let's continue with worship, shall we?"

~ Judy Gerdis


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A few young children were visiting my hobby farm one day and I offered to let them gather the eggs from the hen house. They were so excited to find these treasures--even reaching under a few hens to retrieve some eggs.

They placed the eggs in the basket I gave them and I announced that they could keep "the catch of the day" to take home for breakfast. One little boy wrinkled his nose at me and said "No thank you, Miss Linda.  I only like to eat the real eggs." Not expecting anyone to turn down such freshness, I asked him what a real egg was to him. He innocently looked at me and said "You know, the real eggs. The kind that you buy at the grocery store."

His mother and I had a good chuckle over this response, but I kindly suggested that she may want to read a few "farm books" to help these youngsters learn where their food comes from. She wholeheartedly agreed--and, of course, she took the basket of eggs with her.

~ Linda Hubbard


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During a recent trip to visit our son and family over the Easter weekend, we were sitting around the table one evening visiting. Our granddaughter was chattering away and we were all listening. After some time she suddenly stopped, looked around, and said, “I’m having a conversation with myself, aren’t I?” We all cracked up. She’d suddenly realized she was talking so much that no one could get a word in edgewise.

~ Charlotte Macy


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When my granddaughter, Presley, was about 5, her parents didn't cook, so they went out to eat nearly every night after work. They tried a different restaurant every night and knew the waitresses, chefs and greeters by name, and the staff always paid special attention to Presley.  
 
Our weather in Oklahoma gets pretty hot in the summer, and this particular July evening was well over 100 degrees. They decided to eat in an Italian restaurant and were greeted by one of their favorite servers. They asked how she was doing and she replied, "I'm OK, but these uniforms are so hot. They make us wear these long slacks and heavy shirts and I am wringing wet." 
 
My sweet granddaughter didn't miss a beat. She just looked at her dad and said in her sweet, innocent voice, "Daddy, she could get a job at Hooters!"
 
Even though Presley is 10 now, I have never forgotten this hilarious moment!
 
~ Sharon Bourne


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We were at a gospel concert. I had unfortunately warned our children ahead of time that we had no money to buy new albums this time around, hoping to save them disappointment later.

The group invited all the children up front for a children's song, to relieve a few wiggles mid-way. At the end of the children's song, as the children were going back to their seats, the lead singer said, "And tell your mom and dad to come to the fellowship room after the concert so they can get the new album with this song."

Our daughter, then about 7 years old, tugged on his coat tail. He bent over obligingly, and held the mike to her mouth so everyone could hear her say clearly, "We can't come. We don't have any money!"

Yes, I think it's hilarious. NOW!

~ Judy Wright


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It was at Sunday dinner with our dear friends, Philip and Remona, and their 3-year-old son, Daniel. We had an enjoyable time of fun and fellowship, best of all sharing how our Lord Jesus was working in our lives. It was then Remona asked Daniel if he would entertain us with a new song he had just learned in Sunday School.

"Yes, Mummy," he replied, as he climbed down from his chair. But instead of singing in his sweet little voice, Daniel just ran circles around our dining  room table, around and around several times.Then Remona said, "Daniel, we thought you were going to sing for us!" 

Without a pause in his running, Daniel replied, "Yes, Mummy, but first I am 'downloading' and now I am only 60 percent, but soon I will be 100 percent."

Then Daniel sang, "Jesus loves me this I know..." And yes, he does love this lovely little boy who is now a wonderful 12-year-old.  God bless our delightful  little ones who continue to love Jesus.

~ Maureen Risley


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I'm the proud mom of two wonderful sons, but the funny story I'd like to share is a different kind of aspect of motherhood. It's a story about being a "mom" to my grandmother as she progressed with Alzheimer's. Margaret Lee came to live with us as her disease was beginning to progress. I certainly had my parenting cut out for me in trying to be a mom to this wonderful woman.

Margaret Lee had been a wonderful cook in her "heyday," so one afternoon as I was preparing our family's evening meal, she wanted to be in the kitchen with me.  I was irritable and needed space to move about in the kitchen, so I quickly went to the television to find something for her to watch. "The Cosby Show" was coming on. It was a sweet episode about little Olivia, who wanted to go to the zoo with a friend, but couldn't because Cliff's parents' anniversary party was that evening. Margaret Lee sat down, watched, and was very content.

That is... until the episode was over. Then, Margaret Lee was under my feet again. So I scrambled to the remote and after a few seconds of channel surfing, I found another episode of "The Cosby Show" coming on. A few minutes into the episode, as she sat there smiling, I realized it was the same episode as the first--but she didn't seem to realize it. I was able to move forward and get everything ready for my family to eat.

As we finally were setting the table, and the news came on, we needed something lighter. Wouldn't you know, "The Cosby Show" was coming on again ... THE SAME EPISODE. We went ahead and started watching it, anyway. At one point during the episode, when little Olivia was begging Claire to go to the zoo with her friend, Margaret Lee hopped up and stormed over to the television and yelled, "Why don't you just let her GO to the zoo?!? She's been asking all day!"

Margaret Lee passed in October 1998, and through being a "mom" to her, I found that when we're faced with devastating circumstances, we find those gems of moments to make us laugh.  I still giggle about it and will never watch "The Cosby Show" without thinking of her.

~ Laura L. Kronauer


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My granddaughter, Lexi, who was in kindergarten, came home from school one day and announced to her father that a farmer came in to their class that day and brought a chicken, and told them about chickens, eggs, etc. Her father asked her, "Do you know what they call a mommy chicken?"

"Oh, yes," she said proudly, "It's a hen."
"And what do they call a daddy chicken?" he asked. Without batting an eye, she promptly announced, "Henry!"

~ Joyce Thomas


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My 4-year-old granddaughter was excited about having me over to babysit and was generally bouncing off the walls and wreaking havoc. I said, "Katie, please slow down! It's not polite or ladylike to run over things and damage your sister's coloring book."

Katie walked slowly over,  solemnly took my face in her hands, and asked, "Granny, is it okay to say 'damage?'" I was laughing so hard that I could barely explain to her that it is indeed okay to say "damage" and that Granny most definitely wasn't using a naughty word!

~ Gaynelle Wyatt


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My granddaughter Lainey, 3 years old, was in the store with her mom, Jamie, and wanted to buy a toy. Jamie said "No." Lainey said, "Mom, when Debbie (the babysitter) takes me to the store, she always buys me something. You should learn from Debbie!"

~ Mary Summit