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Contributor Two Contributor Two
Advancements in technology and communication have reshaped the way we do nearly everything these days — even the way we go to church.

Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to hear the pastor say, “Welcome to our service this morning. You may take out your tablet, PC, iPad, smartphone or Kindle and turn to First Corinthians 13. Now switch on your Bluetooth and download the sermon. We will begin with prayer. Let us open up our apps so that we can chat with God.

“As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. The ushers will be circulating the mobile credit card machines. Simply swipe and enter the amount. You may also do an electronic funds transfer.

“Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype. Prayer requests can be submitted on Facebook and Twitter. Just click the LIKE button and follow me as I follow Christ.”


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A man and his wife were both in an Internet business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it had gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said, “No, not there.
Scroll down a little.”

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I forget sometimes that my daughters don’t necessarily have any recollection of the good old days. Just last week, my youngest daughter asked, “What is a letter?” My oldest daughter quickly replied, “It’s an outdated, more expensive way to send an email.”

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Our culture is so dependent on technology, we don’t even know how to count change back or do simple math any more. I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a sub shop the other day, and I asked the man to cut it into fourths.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” he said. “I already cut it in half.”

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Jim in Kansas sends this funny...
I just realized that Orville Wright, the first man in powered flight, was from Ohio. Also, the first man to ever orbit the Earth, John Glenn, was from Ohio. And the first man on the moon, Neil Armstrong, was from Ohio. Did it ever occur to you that a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio?

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I told you a few months ago that Bill Gaither has now started texting from his cell phone. It was a struggle at first, but now he thumbs out a misspelled message as fast as anybody. He’s even catching on to the abbreviated lingo that the texters use. Here are some of my favorite “over 65” text abbreviations:
ATD - At the doctor
BFF - Best friend fell
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
GHA - Got heartburn again
IMHAO - Is my hearing aid on
LMDO - Laughing my dentures out
TTYL - Talk to you louder
FWIW - Forgot where I was


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A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning. He felt that in this suit he could do business.

As he was preening in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?”

The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”

The tailor then said, “Well whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”

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A man told his friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”

“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asked his buddy.

“Two weeks,” he replied.

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A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous, and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question, “Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?” there was a long pause.

Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, “Put down yes!”

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Now THAT'S funny!