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Wise Guys
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I heard a story about a guy who exercised his faith in a unique way. He was late getting to a very important business meeting. As he pulled into the parking lot, every space was taken. He drove around several times looking for a spot, becoming later by the minute.

He began to pray. “Lord, I promise if you open up a space for me, I’ll go to church every Sunday. I’ll become more involved in serving my church and my community. I’ll tithe 10 percent of all my income. I’ll be kinder to my wife and even my mother-in-law.”

Just then, a car pulled out of a space.

“Never mind,” he said, “I found one.”

Everette from Mississippi sent in this hilarious story about a man named Jack who was walking along a steep cliff one day when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down, and to his horror, saw that the canyon was straight down.

He couldn’t hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb back up the steep cliff. Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope.

“Help! Help! Is anyone up there?”

Jack continued yelling for a long time, and was about to give up, when he heard a voice. “Jack! Jack! Can you hear me?”

“Yes, yes! I hear you. I’m down here!” cried Jack. “Who are you?

“This is the Lord, Jack. Let go of the branch and trust Me.”

There was a long silence. Finally Jack yelled, “Is anybody else up there?”

Recently, a man showed up at the home of a sweet elderly lady in our church. When she answered the door, he said, “Ma’am I’m the piano tuner.”

She said, “I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

He replied, “I know, lady; the neighbors did!”

A young boy was late getting to Sunday School. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied, “No. I was going to go fishing, but my dad said I needed to go to church.”

The teacher was very impressed and asked if his dad explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.

The little boy said, “Yes he did. He said he didn’t have enough bait for the both of us.”

On the road of life, I’ve seen many bumper stickers. Here are some of my favorites:

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

If life is like a bowl of cherries, then I’m living in the pits.

I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Joe was opening a new business, and one of his friends decided to send flowers for the occasion. The flowers arrived, and Joe read the card. It said, “Rest in Peace.” Joe was outraged and called the florist to complain.

The florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but this brings up another point. Somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have a flower arrangement with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location.”

Now That’s Funny!